


I'll Follow You

by ScrapyardBoyfriends



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, but it doesn't go into detail, gordon's abuse mentioned, nothing worse than the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 23:10:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17476727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScrapyardBoyfriends/pseuds/ScrapyardBoyfriends
Summary: What if Aaron hadn't collapsed that day at the scrapyard? What if he had gone to France to stay with Ed? What if Robert had followed him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was rewatching the abuse storyline and I always wondered what would have happened if Aaron had gone to stay with Ed and since no one else was going to write it, I decided to. So here is 13k+ words of indulgent nonsense of Robert following Aaron to France and still finding a way to get him to tell him what happened with Gordon. 
> 
> **I imagine it all played out very similarly to the show after this story which is why it stops where it did. But I imagine Robert and Aaron being a bit closer and more open with each other perhaps, even if they would have still waited to get together properly.

His hand shakes as he scribbles out a note for Adam on a piece of scrap paper and folds it messily. Adam won’t be in until tomorrow and Aaron will be long gone by then. He can’t believe he’s running back to France again but he can’t stay here, can’t see his face every day. He sees it enough in his nightmares. 

Before he can get up from the desk, the door handle is jiggling and the door opening, Robert barging in again like he’s a welcome visitor. He’s not, no one is right now. He just needs to get out of here. The door slamming makes him twitch a bit. 

“Are you alright?” Robert asks. It’s not the first time and Aaron doesn’t know why he keeps pretending like he cares. “You look a bit...jumpy.” 

“What do you want?” he snaps back at him, hoping he can get rid of him fast. 

Robert’s eyes widen a bit. “Nice to see you too,” he quips. 

“Busy,” Aaron mumbles, short and sweet. 

“Alright,” Robert says like he might be taking the hint. “I’ll just pick up this month’s report and go then. Adam said it was finally ready.”

Aaron nods, looks around and grabs the report, handing it over. The quicker the better. 

“Heard uh...Chas was getting back with your dad,” Robert says as he takes the folder in hand.

And great, he wants a chat. 

“Every kid’s dream isn’t it, parents getting back together?” Robert pushes. 

“Not mine,” Aaron shuts him down, getting anxious to go. 

Sitting down, Robert looks like he’s making himself comfortable and Aaron just wants to bolt. He can’t do this, not now, not ever. 

“If you want to talk about it,” Robert continues, “a brew would be nice.” 

“Make it yourself,” Aaron tells him, pushing back his chair and lurching toward the door. His arm itches where he cut himself the other day but he does his best to leave it. “I’ve gotta go.” 

\---

Robert watches him go, wishing Aaron would let him in just a little. He’s had a lot of time to think since getting out of hospital and he misses him, misses the way they used to be able to talk. Aaron was never easy but he let him in sometimes in a way that he wasn’t sure he ever did with others. They’d both done that. Walking over to Aaron’s desk, he picks up the note he’d been writing when he’d walked in. He knows he shouldn’t be snooping but he can’t help himself. When he opens it, his heart drops because all he can see are the words ‘I’m leaving’ scrawled out in Aaron’s messy handwriting. 

“Aaron!” he shouts as he drops the note and runs after him back out into the yard. “What do you mean you’re leaving, for good?” 

“None of your business,” Aaron mumbles as he pulls out his keys. 

He’s cycling through all of the reasons he can think of in his head that might make Aaron do this, blurting them out. “Are you in trouble with the police again? Are you doing a runner?”

“No,” Aaron says and he unlocks the car door. 

“Aaron!” Robert shouts again, desperate to get his attention because it seems like he’s really serious about this. 

“I just need to get away for a bit,” Aaron tells him like that’s an actual explanation. 

“Well why are you doing it in secret then?” Robert demands but Aaron ignores him, still fiddling with his keys in the lock, his hands shaking. “Aaron why are you running away?” 

“Because there’s nothing left for me here now,” he says and it just makes Robert angry that he could think that. 

“Well that’s not exactly true is it?” Robert tries though he means more than that. He always has but he couldn’t get out of his own way before. 

He reaches out to try and stop him but Aaron shoves him off, always the stronger of the two of them. There’s tears in his eyes now as he rounds on him, shoving his keys in his face. “Just do one Robert! And let me go. I can’t stay here anymore, not with…”

“Not with? Not with who Aaron?” Robert tries to steady himself as he staggers back. “Your dad?” 

There’s fear there in Aaron’s eyes and Robert needs to know more because he hates seeing him look this scared, his skin pale and sweat beading on his forehead despite the winter chill. But his moment of being stunned, of taking him in, gives Aaron enough time to return to his car and finally get the door open, sliding inside. The revving of the engine pulls him back to the moment and he’s smacking his hand on the side of the vw golf even as it drives out of the yard, gravel crunching beneath the tires. 

Running to his own car, Robert wrenches the door open and gets in, cursing how low to the ground the car is as he stumbles over his long legs to get himself back into the driver’s seat. His hands are shaking too now as he struggles but finally manages to fit the key into the ignition, foot on the gas and speeding out after Aaron. He hasn’t seen him look that scared since...since Katie and that terrifies him. 

\---

Robert’s following him, Aaron can see that in his mirrors but he can’t follow him forever. He’s fairly certain he doesn’t just carry his passport around all the time and Aaron’s got his tucked away in the bag he’d quickly packed this morning. He’s getting out of here whether Robert likes it or not. 

Speeding up, he tries to lose him, but Robert Sugden is nothing if not stubborn and persistent, his porsche easily keeping pace with him. A few times Robert tries to pass him, cut him off, but luck is on Aaron’s side, other cars always managing to get in his way. By the time he’s merging onto the M1 though, he looks back and doesn’t see him anymore. For a second he slows down, wondering if he’ll catch up and he’s almost disappointed when he doesn’t. For a bit there, he really though he would follow him all the way to the ferry port. It doesn’t matter now, he’s free, or as free as he can be with all of these memories dredged back up. 

\---

Finally, Robert turns around reluctantly, letting Aaron go on without him. He’s running through all the places Aaron could go, wondering just how much distance he wants to put between himself and his dad. It has to be his dad, he reaffirms to himself. The way he’d looked when Robert had mentioned him, it has to be, but he doesn’t understand what could be so bad that would make him run like this. 

“Where the hell is he going?” He shouts to no one, banging his hands on the steering wheel. It wasn’t until that moment he got in the car to leave that he realized just how much he means to him. His feelings have been building up over the last two months, not that they ever truly went away, but now he’s sure. He loves him and he doesn’t think he can let him go like this. Not without at least finding out why, making sure he’s okay.

Sheffield? London? He mulls over the names of cities as he drives back toward the village, calling Aaron’s mobile but he has it shut off. France? He wonders. Aaron had lived there before. Vic had told him that first and then Aaron had talked about it a bit, albeit in vague terms. He tries to remember if he ever told him where in France exactly. 

He picks up his passport when he gets back and stuffs some things in an overnight bag and tosses them both in his car. This is insane, he tells himself. He doesn’t even know if that’s where he’s gone but he has a feeling. First though, he needs more information. 

When he gets to the pub, he finds it quiet, Diane looking tired but smiling as she pulls a pint, but he knows she’d scold him for mentioning it. Instead he turns to Adam who’s propping up the empty bar, looking down, not that he much cares about his brother in law’s feelings. Only enough to placate his sister who’s letting him stay in her tiny box room for free. 

“Where is everyone?” he asks as he casually sits down beside him, trying to ignore the rapid rate of his heartbeat as he worries over Aaron. 

“Carly’s giving away free wine at the shop or summat,” Adam tells him without even looking at him. It’s a mutual disinterest. 

Robert knows he can’t just ask outright, he has to do this subtly, even if he does think Adam’s thick most of the time. He doesn’t know what Vic or Aaron see in him. “You have any scrap contacts in France?” he asks. 

“What? Why?” Adam finally turns toward him. 

“It’s nothing,” Robert assures him. “Just came from the scrapyard, getting the monthly report finally. Aaron was having some heated conversation with a client and spoke a little French.” He wonders if Aaron can actually speak French, thinks he might like that. 

“There’s Emile, why?” Adam tells him and Robert notes the name in his head, files it away for later. 

“Just wanted to make sure everything was okay with him. Gotta keep tabs on my investment and all that,” he focuses on the money. People expect that from him. 

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Adam grumbles, turning back to his pint. 

“Didn’t know Aaron could speak French,” he muses, trying to get Adam to take the bait. He doesn’t, swirling around his beer instead of drinking it. If Robert was a good brother in law, he’d ask. But he’s not. “I mean I know he lived there but…”

“Yeah,” Adam snaps, “With Ed, his boyfriend.” 

“The rugby player, right?” Robert probes, noting down Ed’s name as well. “But that’s over yeah?”

“Well he was a lot nicer than you,” Adam tries to cut him down but Robert’s already trying to decide if this Ed is someone Aaron might trust enough to go to. Maybe? 

“They still talk?” he asks, just because he can.

“I don’t know. Piss off Robert!” Adam glares at him. 

Gladly, Robert thinks as he slides off the bar stool, waving to Diane on his way out. 

Back in his car, he spends a few minutes googling rugby players named ‘Ed’ that play in France on his phone, feeling ridiculous until he finds a story on a player that came from Yorkshire and now plays over there. ‘Ed Roberts’ he reads the name, checking out his picture. There’s a weird twinge of jealousy in his gut when he sees the guy, knowing he’s been with Aaron. He’s fit too. Well, not that fit, he amends. Still, he guesses he can see it, maybe. 

In any case, it’s enough for him to call Clive with. He tells him he wants his address by the time he gets to the ferry, which is where he’s decided Aaron’s gone since he went in the opposite direction of the airport. It’s going to be a long trip but he’s half hoping he’ll get lucky and he’ll find Aaron on the side of the M1 fixing some problem with his car. Everything is wishful thinking at the moment.

As he starts the car, he shakes his head at himself. When he gets back, he really needs to find himself a job because he has entirely too much time on his hands.

\---

It’s late when he gets there, finally, Aaron barely able to keep his body upright as he walks up to the door of Ed’s flat, the flat they used to share together. A weird feeling washes over him as presses the buzzer next to Ed’s name, a strange sense of both familiarity and fear. This was such a spur of the moment decision, he didn’t really think about what it would really be like being back here, seeing Ed again. He hadn’t sounded very happy with him on the phone, but he knew Ed would be the one person who he could trust to look out for him outside of the village. He’d always been good at that. It was Aaron who’d made a mess of things. 

The door opens and he goes in, bag slung haphazardly over his shoulder, eyes drooping as he starts the climb up the stairs, wishing, not for the first time, that there was a lift. As he gets to the fifth floor, he sees Ed waiting for him in the open doorway at the end of the hall and somehow it makes him feel safe in a way that no one in the village can right now. Briefly, he considers Robert, the genuine looking concern he’d caught in his eyes when he told him it wasn’t true that he had nothing left in the village anymore. He’d thought about it a lot on the way over actually, but it doesn’t matter now. He can’t go back and he and Robert are long over. They really never were. Instead he locks onto Ed’s tired smile and walks towards it. 

“You look awful,” Ed says by way of greeting, taking his bag for him as he gestures for him to come in. 

“Cheers for that,” Aaron grouses, following him in. 

The place looks the same mostly, a few new things hung on the walls here and there, though he spots a picture of Ed with some new guy, arms around each other. He’s happy for him, he tells himself. If he’s found someone, it’s what he deserves. Looking around some more, he tries to see if there’s any other signs of the guy anywhere, if he lives here now. He doesn’t see any. 

“Julien,” Ed tells him when he sees him looking at the photo again. “It’s still new.” 

“Right,” Aaron nods. 

“Brew?” Ed asks as he goes to stick the kettle on. “You can take the bloke out of Yorkshire…”

“Brew would be great, thanks.”

Ed busies himself around the kitchen for a moment, filling the kettle at the tap and flicking it on with a practiced ease, as he directs him to a seat at their old table. Aaron can still see where he scratched it years ago, running his fingers over the mark, as he slumps down into the chair. His cut is still itchy but he doesn’t dare check it right now in front of Ed. Now he’s here, he doesn’t know quite what he’s even going to say to him. Ed doesn’t give him much chance to figure it out though as he sets his old favorite mug down in front of him, steam wafting up to heat his face, still cold from outside. 

“So are you going to tell me why you’re here then?” Ed asks him bluntly, leaning against the kitchen counter instead of joining him at the table. When he can’t think of an answer, Ed continues. “It’s been nearly two years since we’ve even spoken Aaron and you just call me up out of the blue and ask to stay?” 

“I know,” Aaron sighs. “I’m sorry. I just...I needed to get away from there.” 

“Why?” he asks, his understanding tone cut with impatience. Aaron can’t blame him. “Are you in trouble with the police again?”

“Why is that always what people assume?” Aaron snaps at him, thinking about Robert asking him the same. 

“Well that was the case last time,” Ed points out. “You know I had to hear from Nic that you had even left and gone back home. I assume since you’re not locked up that all worked out?” 

“Sorry,” Aaron can only apologize again. Maybe he shouldn’t have come. “I turned myself in, spent some time on remand and ended up with a suspended sentence.” 

“And Adam?” 

“Did a two month stretch, but he’s been out for over a year now.” he explains, wondering how Adam’s going to take his disappearing act now when he’s still trying to deal with losing Johnny. He hopes he’ll be alright. 

“Right, so it’s not the police after you, then what is it? Some bloke?” Ed asks, his voice softening a bit now he knows he’s not harboring a fugitive again. 

Aaron thinks about Robert chasing after him, thinks about how he was so smug about wanting to buy into the pub, thinks about how the idea of living under the same roof as him terrified him a bit. He didn’t trust himself. “No, well not really,” he answers, more honest than he’s been about that in a while. 

Finally, Ed takes a seat at the table across from him, sipping at his tea. “This bloke, do you love him?” 

Aaron shrugs and Ed rolls his eyes so he nods. “I did,” he tells him. 

“Did you walk out on him too?” Ed huffs.

And there’s the question he’d been dreading. He tries to cover his discomfort by taking a sip of his own brew, trying to figure out what he’s going to say next. “I’m sorry,” he says again and he feels like he’s going to be saying it a lot tonight. 

“Then why go?” Ed asks and Aaron can hear the hurt in his voice, the hurt he put there. 

“Because you deserved better than me,” Aaron tells him and he means it. 

“Aaron-”

“No, let me finish-”

“I just always thought we were doing fine,” Ed cuts in one more time, fiddling with his mug on the table. 

“That was the problem,” Aaron says. “We were only ever going to be ‘fine’ and you deserved better than that. You kept-you kept telling me you loved me” – it was hard to believe anyone could – ”But I couldn’t say it back, couldn’t mean it the way I should have.”

“So you left,” Ed finishes for him. 

“I’m-”

“Sorry, yeah I know,” Ed sighs, looking resigned. 

“It was for the best,” Aaron assures him, for both of them really. 

“So if it’s not the police,” Ed continues, “and it’s not really this bloke, then-” A yawn comes over Aaron, the kind that makes your whole body sigh. “You look shattered.” 

“It was a long trip and I uh...I haven’t really been sleeping,” Aaron tries for a bit of honesty. His nightmares had stopped mostly for a long time but when his dad appeared again, so had they. It had been weeks since he’d gotten a good night’s sleep. 

“Aaron.” The concern in Ed’s voice makes him almost uncomfortable. No one should be that bothered over him. He’s not worth it. 

“Later yeah?” he tries.

“Yeah,” Ed relents. “Sofa’s all yours.” 

“Cheers.” 

\---

Robert’s French is remedial at best, if even that, so he’s grateful for the sat nav in the car he’d rented. He’s glad he’s been on enough european business trips to be comfortable driving on the right side of the road too. Although, he’s having to concentrate more than he’d like to at this hour, thankful for the nap he’d taken on the ferry over. Blinking his eyes furiously to stay awake, he really hopes he’s somehow gotten this right as he pulls up to Ed Roberts’ building. Clive had come through with the address for him, no questions asked, but he feels like he should have been questioning his sanity. It’s such a longshot and Aaron won’t even want him here but he can’t shake the feeling that he’s not okay and all he wants to do is help. He’s even shocked himself with that. 

He stands at the door for a long time, staring at Ed’s name next to the buzzer. If he just rings it, he’ll sound like a right nutter if Aaron’s not actually there and probably even if he is. As he contemplates, two girls come stumbling to the door looking like they were the life of whatever party they just rolled out of. One giggles too loudly as the other somehow manages to jam her key into the lock and jimmy it until it opens. Robert seizes the opportunity and follows them in. 

The five floor walk up is a challenge but eventually he makes it, only slightly heaving, feeling the surgery scar on his chest pull tight. Now he’s there, standing in front of Aaron’s ex’s door at some ungodly hour of the morning feeling like he’s lost his mind. He should just turn around and trek back home but then he remembers Aaron’s face at the yard, the fear in his eyes and he has to know. So he knocks. 

“Alright alright,” he hears on the other side of the door eventually. “What is it with visitors tonight.” 

At least he’s solved one puzzle, he thinks, as the door swings open, revealing Ed behind it. For a moment, Robert just stands there gawping at him. In his faded rugby jersey and low slung sweatpants, he’s fitter in person than in his picture even with the half bloodshot eyes that come from probably being awake too long. It isn’t until the guy clears his throat that he manages to shake himself out of it. 

“Can I help you?” Ed asks him. 

“I uh-” all of a sudden he’s forgotten what words are. He really should have thought this through more. A few days ago, Diane was asking him if there was still something between him and Chrissie and now he’s followed Aaron off to another country. He’s tapped. Still, he can’t go without asking. “I’m looking for Aaron.” 

“So you’re the bloke then?” Ed assesses him. 

“The what?” Robert asks, before realizing that means that Aaron must have mentioned him. His heart does a little somersault in his chest at that. “Oh uh…” 

“He’s asleep actually,” Ed says. 

“No I’m not,” Robert hears Aaron’s grumpy voice drifting out from inside. He can’t believe he’s actually here, that he didn’t come all this way for nothing. 

It takes another minute, some shuffling sounds and a few heavy thuds across the floor before Aaron appears in the doorway. He looks worse than he did earlier, skin still pale and sweaty, hair plastered to his forehead. It’s the sleeve of his shirt that catches his eye though, more specifically the blood stain on it. No, Robert thinks. He knows what that means. 

“What are you doing here?” Aaron practically growls at him. So he guesses he’s not pleased to see him. “I thought I told you to do one.” 

“I wanted to know that you were okay,” Robert says dumbly. 

“So you followed me to another country?” Aaron snaps at him. “How did you even find me here? Actually, knowing you, I don’t want to know.” 

“Aaron,” Robert starts, unsure of where he’s going with it. He swears he’d had this all planned out but now, now he didn’t know where to begin. “I-”

“Save it Robert. And do me a favor and actually leave me alone this time,” Aaron tells him as he tries to shut the door on him but Robert sticks his foot in.

He’s come all this way and he’s not going to give up that easily. “Not until I know you’re okay,” he insists. “I saw your face when I mentioned your dad today, Aaron, is that what all this is about?”

Through the toe’s width of opening in the doorway, he can can see Aaron huff and shake his head but he also sees the slight twitch in his shoulders at the mention of him. He’s onto something and they both know it. 

“Aaron?” he hears Ed question too. 

“Not you and all,” Aaron sighs. “Forget it, I’m getting some air.” 

Without Aaron pushing on the door, it swings open and Robert watches him stalk across the flat and shove his feet into his trainers, like he really means to go out right now. Robert can’t think of a worse idea. Ed apparently can’t either, trailing after him while Robert hovers awkwardly in the doorway, feeling like a spare part when all he wants to do is help. 

\---

Aaron pulls his body warmer on over his jumper, wincing at the pain in his arm as it brushes the soft material. There are footsteps behind him as Ed follows after him, shadowing him, trying to box him in. 

“Is he right?” Ed asks him. “Is this about your dad? You never really talked about him much.”

“With good reason,” Aaron shoots back as he tries to get by him. 

Ed won’t let him go, holds his shoulders still and all that rugby training means he can keep him there for a minute or two. “Aaron, I don’t know what happened between you and this...Robert, but if he’s followed you all the way here just to make sure you’re okay, well, that’s gotta count for something right?”

“What do you know about it?” Aaron tries to wriggle free. 

“I know he cares about you if he’s come all this way.” He says it so matter of factly, Aaron almost has to do a double take because no one back home would ever say that so sincerely. 

“Yeah, well it doesn’t matter,” Aaron says even though it does. “Just let me go. I need to clear my head.” 

With a hard shoulder, he finally manages to push past Ed and get to the door where Robert positions himself as another obstacle but Aaron shoves him aside and slips out, racing down the stairs. 

\---

“Well are you coming?” Robert asks Ed who’s still just standing there trying to figure out what just happened. 

“What?” he asks. 

“Well, you know your way around here better than I do,” Robert reminds him, needing him to get the message and hurry up. “He didn’t look good,” he adds for extra measure. “I saw some cut on his arm. If it’s gotten infected then-” 

Ed has his coat and trainers on quickly after that. “Well come on then,” he says as he pulls Robert out into the hall and locks the door behind them. “I know a few places he used to go.” 

\---

It’s a couple hours before they find him, the sun starting to rise on a new day already. Finally, Ed’s pointing towards a park and Aaron’s there, sitting on a bench, hands tucked up into his armpits like he’s freezing, just staring off into the distance. He looks sad, contemplative, and Robert feels his heart lurch in his chest in a way he doesn’t expect at the sight of him, relief flowing through him that he’s at least okay. 

They’re both quiet as they approach him, not wanting to spook him but he suspects Aaron already knows they’re there. When they get close, Robert puts out an arm to stop Ed from going any further. He’s not sure if Aaron will trust him enough to talk, but he’s come all this way, he has to try. 

“Let me try,” Robert says in the quiet, the city only just starting to wake up around them. Ed just nods, giving him permission. 

Carefully, he sits down next to Aaron, hoping he doesn’t just immediately run off. He doesn’t, just hangs his head and Robert feels this sudden urge bubbling up inside him that wants to hug him, but he makes himself hold back. 

“I don’t know why you’re going through all this trouble,” Aaron says, his teeth chattering a bit. “I’m not worth the hassle.” 

Robert’s heart breaks. “You are to me,” he blurts out before he can even think about what he’s going to say. Eyes wide, Aaron turns toward him, like he’s in shock and Robert can’t blame him. He might was well just say it all while he can. “I care about you Aaron,” he starts, “more than care. I still-I still love you.” 

“Still?” Aaron’s voice is as cold as the January air. “I thought you were only with me out of pity?” 

Robert pales, guilt washing over him as he remembers all of the vile things he’d said to him that day. He was hurt, but that wasn’t any excuse. “I wish I’d never said all that,” he tells him, needing him to know. “I didn’t mean any of it.”

“You still said it.” Aaron turns away from him again. 

“I know,” Robert admits, “I’m sorry.” 

“What do you want from me?” Aaron sounds exasperated, exhausted. He looks it too. Robert wonders when he last slept properly. 

“I just want you to let me help you. And if-” he’s going to get this all wrong, he knows that. “If you’re cutting again,” he points to the blood on his sleeve, “then there’s obviously something big going on.”

Aaron pulls his arm away from him, holds it to his chest protectively. “You know nothing about it!” he hisses, short puffs of breath materializing in the cold air. 

“Then tell me!” he’s pleading now, too loudly and disrupting the dark quiet of the early morning. “If it’s about your dad...what did he do to ya?” 

When he stands up, Robert knows he’s lost him. “Nothing,” Aaron says with finality. “Just leave it! And leave me alone.” 

“Aaron!” he calls after him as he stalks back off towards Ed. 

Pivoting, Aaron turns back, letting his arm fall back to his side. “If you want to be a hero, Robert, go and rescue someone else!” 

\---

Aaron leaves Robert behind, still sitting on an unfamiliar park bench in a city he doesn’t know, shivering in the chill. He’d feel bad but he doesn’t have the headspace for it. Why did he have to tell him he loves him? What the hell is he supposed to do with that? Why did he come all the way here in the first place? Aaron doesn’t understand any of it and it only makes him angry. He wants to punch a wall or dig a blade into his skin. It must be radiating off of him because Ed’s giving him a wide berth as they walk back to the flat. 

He barely makes it up the stairs and inside before he’s collapsing onto the sofa again, just wanting to shut out the world. Ed doesn’t let him off that easy though, perching on the coffee table and staring at him until he opens up his eyes again briefly. There’s worry all over his face, in the deep lines in his forehead and Aaron feels bad for putting it there, wishes he didn’t have to be such a burden on people. Maybe he should have just holed up in a hotel room somewhere until he found a new job and a place of his own. 

“Aaron,” Ed says softly and then, “are you sure we should have just left him back there?”

“It’s Robert. He’ll be fine. He’ll make sure of that,” Aaron huffs. He doesn’t doubt it for a second. 

Pointing at his arm, the lines in Ed’s forehead cut deeper, “Robert thought it might get infected if you don’t have it looked at.”

“It’s fine,” Aaron tells him, though he’s not so sure. 

“I know you’ve done it before but...well you know I’m here if you want to talk about it all. I’ll let you sleep.” Lifting himself up from the table, Ed lays a hand on his shoulder and squeezes for a moment before crossing the room and tossing him a blanket, previously draped over the other sofa. 

Aaron doesn’t even move to catch it, just lets it land on top of him and then shimmies underneath it as he kicks it open, letting it fall haphazardly over him, not quite covering completely. As he yawns, he doesn’t really care, just shuts his eyes and tries to block everything else out as best he can. 

—-

He wakes again with a start, not with a scream but he’s definitely shaken, dreaming about creaking doors and heavy hands holding him down. He squirms at the thought, kicking at the blanket to make sure he’s free. There’s light pouring through the windows now and with effort he extracts his phone from his pocket, nearly out of charge, and checks the time. It’s just after midday. 

Ed’s in the kitchen, speaking softly on the phone and Aaron strains to listen. 

“-make it up to you Julien,” he’s saying as he leans against the counter. “Tomorrow yeah. Well...I don’t know if he’ll still be here.”

He’s talking about him and Aaron feels guilty for probably ruining a date or something. Again, he feels like he never should have come here. 

“Yes, he slept on the sofa,” he hears Ed say and he wonders what this Julien thinks is happening. He guesses it does look bad, his ex coming to crash at his flat. “His boyfriend followed him here anyway.”

Boyfriend? Aaron repeats in his head, confused, until he remembers that Robert showing up here wasn’t part of his nightmare. Still, hearing the word ‘boyfriend’ associated with Robert feels weird. Last year there was a time when Robert was everything to him, that he was willing to take whatever bit of him he could get, but even then, he wasn’t his boyfriend. Far from it. Even if that was all he had wanted. Ed makes it sound so easy and simple. He wishes it was, even now sometimes. 

“À demain, salut,” he hears him say, his French accent having improved since he last saw him, and then he puts the shoves his phone back into his pocket. 

“Sorry,” Aaron mutters as he shifts on the sofa, his body sore from having slept in the same curled up position all night. “Didn’t mean to make things-“

Ed catches on to what he’s apologizing for. “Oh, Julien? It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” He comes into the living room, hovering nervously and Aaron dreads the next question. “Your mum called me earlier.”

His eyes widen. He didn’t expect that. 

“She’s worried about you. Wondered if you were daft enough to come here,” Ed tells him. 

Aaron’s sitting up now, nerves tingling through his achy body. “And what did you tell her?”

“Relax. I didn’t tell her you were here. Got the impression that wouldn’t be a good idea,” Ed calms him down. “But Aaron...she is your mum…”

“And part of the problem,” Aaron grumbles, remembering the conversation they’d had yesterday. Was it only yesterday? It seems like weeks. Ed’s studying him, trying to dig beneath the surface and Aaron doesn’t like the idea of being so on display so he gives him something. “She’s back together with my dad.”

“And that’s a bad th-“ Ed starts but Aaron’s glare makes him stop. “Hungry?” He says instead. 

As if on cue, Aaron’s stomach growls and he nods with it. He doesn’t even remember the last time he ate. It wasn’t yesterday. 

Grabbing something, a towel, off of one of the kitchen chairs, Ed tosses it at him. “That cafe you used to like is still open. But uh...take a shower first,” he says with a smirk that says he needs one, badly. He’s not wrong. 

—-

Robert wakes up to the sound of an assault of text messages on his phone, having connected to the hotel wifi when he’d checked in a few hours ago. His head is banging and he feels fuzzy as he rolls over, still fully dressed, and hits it with his hand, hoping it’ll stop. It doesn’t, so he pulls it off the bedside table clumsily, intent on putting it on silent and trying to get a few precious hours more of sleep. Vic’s name is the one that keeps popping up though, so he opens their conversation to see a slew of texts asking where he is. They start out calm but as the morning wears on they start to get more and more concerned. He supposes he ought to put her out of her misery and let her know he’s not dead in a ditch somewhere. 

‘I’m fine,’ he texts as a reply to another ‘where are you’ message that’s popped up. 

‘Oh! You’re there!’ Vic types back and he can practically hear her excitement. ‘Where are ya then? Your bed’s not been slept in.’

Robert groans at the thought of his little sister checking up on him. He really needs to get his own life again. 

‘Did you pull?’ Her next message comes in and Robert doesn’t know how to even answer that. ‘Who is she? Or he…’

The word ‘he’ catches him off guard. They’ve talked a little about it and she did say she thought he was still hung up on Aaron the other day - she wasn’t wrong - but they haven’t really had a serious chat since he started wrapping his head around it all properly. He doesn’t really know how to start that. 

She takes his silence and runs with it anyway. ‘I don’t judge remember,’ she prods. 

‘If it is a bloke’

‘You know that’s alright’

‘Yeah?’

‘Rob?’

He’s got to stop her somehow. It’s not like it’s true anyway. ‘I’m in France chasing down a business lead if you must know,’ he types quickly before he can think of a better excuse. 

‘France?’ Comes the reply and then, ‘you’re not with Aaron are you?’

That floors him. He can’t think why she would suddenly jump to that conclusion. All of a sudden he feels like it’s last year, like he’s being caught out. His first instinct is to deny, deny, deny. But then he knows Vic wouldn’t be upset by it, almost thinks of saying yes until he remembers that Aaron came here to run away from something in the village and might not want people knowing. 

‘Only Aaron’s missing and Chas is driving everyone crazy with her worrying and he did apparently take his passport. She’s half convinced he’s run off to France again.’ 

Robert pauses, reconsidering. Aaron may not want anyone to know where he is but he wouldn’t want them thinking he’s dead in a ditch either. 

‘Aaron’s fine,’ he texts her. It’s simple, doesn’t really say anything more. 

‘Oh Rob!!!’ Vic replies and the exclamation points make him sweat a little. ‘Are you two back together then? Did you whisk him away for a romantic weekend?’

How she got all that from ‘fine’ he’s not sure. He’s not even sure Aaron is fine after he walked off last night. He means to make sure he is today though. 

‘I’ll tell you later,’ he texts back. 

It’s cryptic enough to cover the lot of it. And maybe, maybe Aaron won’t have been thoroughly freaked out by his stupidly timed love confession and all that Vic thinks won’t be a lie by the time they come home. If he can get him to go home at all. He yawns but he’s not getting anymore sleep now so he pushes back the duvet and gets up to go grab a shower. 

\---

Aaron stands there too long, letting cascades of scalding water wash over him, half hoping it’ll peel the skin from his body and he can feel clean again. It doesn’t work. When he finally gets out, he raids Ed’s first aid kit and cleans up the cut on his arm as well as he can, wrapping it up in a bit of gauze and hoping for the best. He feels better than he did yesterday at any rate. That doesn’t stop him from staring at the razor in Ed’s medicine cabinet, wanting to rip the blade free, but he looks at his chest, his stomach in the reflection of the mirror, all the healed and half healed new cuts he’s made since his dad showed up again and thinks better of it. It’s fine He’s fine. He’s out of there now. He can do this. 

He hears Ed outside the door, probably wondering what’s taking so long, and he can’t let him see. Quickly, he pulls a clean t-shirt from his bag and tugs it over his head, followed by his favorite black hoodie. That sorted first, he pulls on his boxers and jeans as well, a little overheated from the steam of the shower still hovering around him, clinging to him. 

When he’s done, he nearly opens the door into Ed who stumbles back into the hall. “Soz,” he says quickly as he reaches out a hand to steady him. 

Ed laughs as he rights himself and Aaron’s missed that sound. Things with Ed were never perfect but they were nice and easy for a time. “Didn’t think you were ever gonna be done in there. Come on, I’m starved!” 

He follows Ed downstairs, picking up his trainers on the way, and they’re about to go when Ed opens the door to find Robert standing there, hand raised in mid knock. Aaron can’t help himself but groan at the sight of him. He’d hoped maybe he’d actually gone home. There’s another part of him though that’s pleased he hasn’t given up on him yet. He’s hardly made it easy. That part, he buries. 

“Thought maybe I’d managed to shake you off,” Aaron says as he brushes past him into the hallway. 

“Not getting rid of me that easy,” Robert replies and Aaron can feel his eyes drifting over him, checking over him attentively and that’s new. He’s used to Robert’s eyes raking over him for other reasons but not out of concern. 

“Heading for a late breakfast if you’re interested,” Ed offers. 

Clearing his throat, Aaron tries to get Ed to take the hint that he doesn’t want Robert coming along, the more distance between them the better, but he doesn’t take back the invitation and soon all three of them are heading downstairs. 

\---

Ed watches Aaron dig into his food, fried eggs and bacon with a side of toast, like he’s never eaten before. He wonders when the last time he ate was, knowing he tends to skip meals when he’s stressed. Robert is watching too, his face a mixture of disgust as Aaron wipes at the corners of his mouth with the back of his hoodie covered hand and fondness, like he’s treasuring every moment of this. Aaron, on the other hand, just scoffs at Robert’s crepes, rolling his eyes, but even that Robert seems to find endearing. Ed thinks Aaron could do just about anything and Robert would find a way to appreciate it just because it’s Aaron. 

“So how did you two meet?” he asks, his curiosity getting the better of him. They don’t seem to make any sense as a couple to him but strangely, they also seem to fit, even if everything Robert does seems to annoy Aaron. Ed can still see the little looks he gives him when he doesn’t think Robert is looking, like he’s secretly glad he’s here. 

Robert nearly chokes on the bite of food in his mouth, washing it down quickly with his orange juice. Now Ed’s even more intrigued. Aaron just pauses mid shovel, his mouth hanging open. 

“I had a breakdown when we met,” Ed offers, recalling the old team van that never ran properly. He’d been thankful for it that time though, getting the chance to flirt with the grumpy mechanic that came to check it out. Aaron was always hard work but it was worth it, for a time. 

“He faked one,” Aaron grumbles through another mouthful without looking over at Robert. 

“He stole my car,” Robert counters, which does get a reaction from Aaron, his fork landing on his plate with a clang. 

“No,” Aaron corrects him. “Ross stole your car.” 

“Only good thing he ever did,” Robert smiles in this completely disarming way that has Aaron melting for a second, softening around the edges, before he prickles again, the moment lost. 

Robert’s smile fades too as he realizes, dropping his eyes back to his plate but still sneaking glances every now and then. Ed’s fascinated by them. In all the time he’d known Aaron, he’d never seen him like that, so open, even if it was only a flicker. It makes him realize that Aaron always had his guard up around him when they were together, even after everything about Adam was out in the open. He wishes he knew the full story about them because he thinks they could be the real deal if only they’d get out of their own way. Maybe if they stay long enough, he’ll pry it out of them. 

Rubbing at his still tired eyes, he swallows down the last of his meal followed by a large gulp of juice and checks the time. “Right lads,” he tells them. “This is where I leave you. I’ve got training in an hour.” 

“Oh, sorry,” Aaron apologizes and Ed wishes he’d stop doing that. “I didn’t-”

“It’s fine,” Ed assures him and fishes out a key from his pocket. “Here’s the spare. I take it you’ll be okay for the afternoon?” 

Aaron looks concerned but Robert takes the key from him. “We’ll be fine,” he says and somehow Ed knows it’s going to be okay. 

He leaves them money for the bill and says his goodbyes, heading back to the flat to get changed, answering a text from Julien on the way.

\---

Robert grins, biting at his lip, as he listens to Aaron mangle the French language to order them a coffee, not that he’d know any better. To him it sounds perfect but he can see from the barista’s expression that it’s not. Still, he manages to get them the right order and all too soon they have their to go cups and are back out walking around the city. Aaron can’t seem to be still around him. 

“Well that’s a hidden talent,” Robert smirks as he licks a bit of coffee off of his top lip. 

Aaron glares hard at him. “Well I did live here for two years,” he says anyway. 

“Obviously not studying the language,” Robert laughs but stops when he sees Aaron’s expression sour further. “Better than I could do. I was never much one for languages in school.”

Aaron hums to acknowledge him but doesn’t continue the conversation. He’s been quiet mostly since Ed left them. Despite the fact that Aaron blew up his life, he’s glad things didn’t work out with Ed. Though he has to admit, he doesn’t hate the guy as much as he thought he would and he usually does hate people that are too nice. It makes him suspicious but Ed seems like a genuinely good guy that just wants to help and that’s all Aaron needs right now he suspects. 

Aaron’s sullen silence has made him talk more to fill in the gaps as they’ve traipsed across the city. He didn’t want to freak him out with anything too serious though so he just talks about nonsense, tells him about all the ridiculous things he’s seen on daytime telly while he was recovering. 

“You really need to get a life, mate,” Aaron had told him after he’d finished telling him all about some insane Jeremy Kyle story about a woman trying to figure out if she was having sex with her brother. Still, it drew a comment and a smirk out of him, so Robert felt like he was on top of the world for a moment. 

“I’m trying to,” he’d said, risking a nudge into Aaron’s shoulder, the briefest touch making all his nerves tingle. He feels a bit ridiculous, like a teenager with a crush. If he’s honest with himself, he’s always felt a bit like that around Aaron but a year ago he was about as far away from being honest with himself as he could get. It’s different now though, now that everything’s out in the open, well, sort of anyway. 

They’ve reached the companionable silence stage now, Robert having run out of things to say that won’t make it awkward between them again. As they walk, going nowhere as far as Robert can tell, but he’s letting him take the lead, Aaron switches his coffee cup into his left hand and lets his right fall down to his side. Their fingers brush as their arms swing and all Robert wants to do is grab on. He never imagined he’d want to hold a bloke’s hand in public but Aaron changed everything for him a long time ago. Aaron doesn’t take the bait though, not that he thought he would. So instead he just treasures each accidental touch as though it’s something monumental. 

The city around them starts to look familiar and Robert realizes that Aaron’s steered them back to the park they were in last night or well...this morning. He’s lost all track of time. Staying quiet, he follows him back to his bench and sits down beside him. When Aaron shivers, only in his hoodie and body warmer, Robert slips out of his outer coat. He’d layered well today. 

“What are you doing?” Aaron asks, the shock written all over his face as Robert drapes the jacket over Aaron’s shoulders. 

“What’s it look like?” He laughs. 

Aaron shoves at the coat, trying to push it back into Robert’s hands. “I don’t need your coat, mate. Besides, you’re always freezing. You give that to me I’ll be sitting here talking to an icicle, not a human.”

“Oh are we talking now?” Robert says. “Only you’ve only said about three words to me all afternoon.”

“Well I didn’t ask you to follow me to flipping France!” He huffs, sagging back into Robert’s arm that’s still trying to wrap him up in the jacket. 

“I told you, I needed to know that you were okay, because I-” Robert says quietly, stopping himself before he goes any further. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Aaron doesn’t answer, just grabs the coat out of his hands and starts shoving his arms into the sleeves. Robert takes that as a win even as the silence stretches out between them again. He’s trying his best to be patient.

—-

Aaron misses the weight of Robert’s arm across his back as he settles into the coat, the sleeves too long for him. Ridiculously, Robert’s actually got a second, thinner coat underneath as well as a body warmer. It makes him think of cold feet pressed up against his legs those few precious times they got to wake up together back when he was still with Chrissie. Back then, Aaron would have given anything for Robert to tell him he loved him, to show he cared. Now, after everything that’s happened, it just confuses him. 

Shifting a bit on the bench, he moves a bit closer, trying to be subtle about it but probably failing. If Robert notices, he doesn’t say anything, even as their bodies connect from shoulder to knee. In some ways, he’s glad he’s here. Ed’s been great, more than he should be after how he left, but something about Robert, despite everything, still makes him feel safe. He’s tapped, he knows that. He should have his head examined for even thinking it but he’s seen a change in him since the shooting. The way he helped out when Doug had been going on about his mum, it had meant something to him, even if he’d never admit it. 

When Ed had left them earlier, he’d been nervous, but spending the afternoon with Robert hadn’t been so bad. It was nice, listening to Robert prattle on about whatever, nothing of importance, just filling the silence. Other than a hotel stay or two or that week at Home Farm, they’d never really gotten to just be together with no worry about getting caught. He wishes they’d gotten to do it a bit more. 

It’s almost enough to make him forget, forget why he ran here in the first place. Almost, but not quite because every time his mind drifts, it drifts back to him. He hates the thought of his mum being back with him, letting that monster back into her life. He’s no good for her, no good for anyone, but he can’t tell her. She already puts it down to some ‘teenage grudge’ as she put it. There’s no way she would believe the truth, no one would. They’d all call him a liar, just like his dad always said they would. Everyone liked him, his mum, Diane, Doug. His family hadn’t had any problem with having him around for Christmas. The only one who had questioned any of it was Paddy and he couldn’t trust him right now. Not with what he was doing to Rhona. 

Absentmindedly, his hand drifts down over the cut on his arm and he presses against it, just a little bit of pressure, the pain sharpening his focus, clearing his mind for a second. His eyes are closed against the sensation but it doesn’t last long because Robert’s pulling his hand away, holding onto it instead. Flicking his eyes back open, he stares at their hands locked together and then up at Robert’s face. He doesn’t say anything, though it looks like he’s biting his tongue not to, just holds on tight as he pulls out his phone with the other like he’s trying to say it’s not a big deal. 

His fingers are freezing as they grip his but Aaron doesn’t push him away, just lets their hands awkwardly rest there between them as he leans over and glances at his phone to see the time. It’s getting towards tea time and he’s still hungry, which feels like a good sign. There’s texts there too, Robert’s phone picking up on some local wi-fi. They’re all from Victoria but they mention his mum. He leans over further but Robert pulls it away. 

“It’s nothing,” he says, still clutching onto his hand, like he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. 

“What about my mum?” Aaron asks him bluntly. 

Robert waffles, looking away for a second like he’s embarrassed. “I uhh...might of accidentally told Vic I was in France and when she mentioned Chas worrying and thinking you were too I might have told her you were fine so now she thinks we’re together and your mum might be furious.” 

“Robert!” he hisses at him. “What the hell-” he starts saying until he sees another text pop up, one that mentions ‘Gordon’. 

He squeezes Robert’s hand hard. 

“Ow!” Robert cries out, pulling it away. “What was that for?” He tries to ask but Aaron can’t stop staring at the phone. He follows his gaze and sees the text and reads, “Gordon’s buying...into the pub.”

Aaron gulps. That’s it, he can never go back. 

“Aaron?” Robert turns back towards him, taking his hand again. “Please tell me what’s going on. What did your dad do that’s got you so scared you’re running away from home, from your family? From your life?”

“Nothing,” he replies instantly. It’s an impulse, a default, he can’t even help himself. Robert doesn’t look like he believes him for a second, eyes wide and open and filled with concern. “Why do you care so much?” 

“I told you,” Robert says. 

“Yeah, you say you love me but-”

“I do!” he insists. “It took me a long time to come to terms with it but I do and I wanna help Aaron. Just let me in.” 

There are tears in his eyes now, rolling down his cheeks and freezing in the cold winter air. Aaron reaches up with his free hand and wipes them away, or tries to. He can’t seem to make them stop. “He hurt me,” he blurts out, regretting in instantly when he sees the confused look on Robert’s face. 

“He hurt you?” He repeats his words. “What do you mean he hurt you? What? He hit you? He beat you?” 

Robert’s other hand comes up to his shoulder, trying to draw him into some kind of half embrace but Aaron suddenly feels claustrophobic, pulling his hand back and pushing him away. Scooting back across the bench, he tries to put some distance between them, sucks in an icy breath. 

“Forget it,” he mumbles, chin down, his words muffled by Robert’s coat. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” 

Robert shifts, turning his body toward him. “I told you, I just want to help. Please Aaron. You clearly need to talk about it if it’s hurting you this much.”

“You think talking about it is going to help?” Aaron sobs, barely recognizing his own voice. He feels far away, like he’s trying to put as much distance between himself and reality as he can. “He raped me.” He barely even hears the words. 

\---

His body shakes, whether it’s from the cold or nerves or anger Robert doesn’t know, but he stays put and and listens as Aaron pours out the whole story, one horrifying detail after the next. No matter what he’d said in anger before, he’s always thought Aaron was strong but he had no idea how strong. He can’t even comprehend what he’s been through. He wants to race back to the village, find Gordon and strangle him. He half wishes the cancer had finished him off but that wouldn’t have been enough, that wouldn’t have been what he deserves. He deserves worse. 

When Aaron finally falls quiet, leaning back against the back of the bench looking exhausted, Robert finds he can’t stand the silence but what is there to say? How does he make any of this better the way he wanted to. 

“It’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay,” he mutters to himself, trying to believe it, trying to will a better world where this doesn’t happen to anyone into existence, knowing it’s futile. 

“How is any of this going to be okay?” Aaron asks, his voice still choked by the tears that won’t stop flowing. “I shouldn’t have told you any of this.”

Dragging himself up off the bench, Aaron lurches forward toward the entrance to the park, leaving him behind. He’s stunned for a moment, frozen in his spot, but then he’s forcing himself up and running after him. 

“Yes you should have,” he says when he catches up. 

“You probably don’t even believe me,” Aaron says, not meeting his eyes. 

“Yes I do,” Robert assures him, feeling that’s important. How could he not believe him? Aaron wouldn’t lie about something like this. 

“Probably think it was all my fault,” Aaron continues.

“No,” he says firmly. 

“Sorry you told me you loved me now?” Aaron hangs his head, defeated. 

“What?” Robert tries to follow his train of thought. “No. Of course not. Aaron, look at me.” 

It takes a few moments before Aaron’s blue eyes are finally looking into his, watery with fear and shame that Robert hates seeing there. 

“Aaron you have nothing to be ashamed of,” he says first, wanting him to know that. “None of this is your fault. You were just a kid. Why didn’t you tell anyone before now? Your mum?”

“What would have been the point? What could she have done? I was out of there by that point. That’s all that mattered,” Aaron tells him. 

“She’d have helped. She loves you,” Robert says. No matter what he may feel about Chas, he knows she’d do anything for Aaron if she knew he was in trouble. “What about now?”

“What about now? She’s back with him. He’s buying into the pub. She probably wouldn’t even believe me,” Aaron says, wiping away more tears. 

“Yes she would,” Robert assures him. “And doesn’t she deserve to know the truth about him? You have to tell her.” 

Aaron keeps shaking his head. “No, I can’t. And you can’t either. I can’t face anyone else knowing about this Robert.” 

“Aaron,” Robert says, unsure. 

“Please Robert,” Aaron begs him. “Prove to me that I can trust you.” 

\---

His arm prickles, falling asleep under the weight of Aaron’s body leaning against his on the sofa. Carefully, Robert pries it out from underneath his sleeping form and shakes it above his head to try and get the feeling back. The movement causes Aaron to shift, his head drifting from his shoulder to his chest and then down further until he’s curled up with his head in Robert’s lap. He wishes he could enjoy this more, the feeling of Aaron cuddled up against him, but his mind is reeling with everything he’d told him tonight. When he’d followed him here to France, he’d known something was wrong but he’d never imagined this. He never cries but with Aaron spark out, looking like the weight of the world is still on him even in sleep, he lets the tears fall in the darkness. 

He’d promised him he wouldn’t say anything, that he’d keep this secret for him but he wishes he hadn’t. He doesn’t know how he’s going to keep something this big from spilling out. When he wavers, when he wants to call Chas and tell her everything about the man she’s with, what he’s done to her son, he reminds himself of Aaron’s face, the look in his eyes, as he begged him not to tell. Aaron trusted him enough to finally tell him and he can’t break that trust now. He just needs to protect him. 

They hadn’t lingered long in the park after, walking back to the flat quickly, Aaron a little in front and Robert his shadow just like when they’d come here. Robert would follow Aaron anywhere to make sure he’s okay, to be with him. The realization scares him but he knows it’s true. He loves him, more than he’s ever loved anyone before. That doesn’t change the fact that he can’t be with him right now, even if Aaron wanted it too. He promised himself as they walked back that he wasn’t going to take advantage of any of this, of him. He wants to be with Aaron properly, make a real go of things and he’ll wait for him, till he’s ready, properly ready. Until then, he just wants to be there for him, help him through all of this. 

“Shh,” he hears as the front door opens. “I don’t know if they’re back yet.” 

Robert looks up to see Ed coming into the flat, wrapped up in the arms another guy who’s skillfully closing the door behind them with his foot as he paws at Ed’s shirt, his lips on his neck. In the dark, Robert can just about make out that the guy is the one from the picture he’d seen earlier. Julien, Aaron had told him he was called. 

Julien whispers something in French into Ed’s ear making them both laugh. 

Looking down, Robert checks to see if they’ve woken Aaron but he’s still snoring softly in his lap. He hadn’t lasted long after they’d gotten back, exhausted from having to dredge up the past. He’d made it through half a sandwich they’d picked up on the way back before he fell asleep, head leaning on the back of the couch. Robert had cleaned up and sat back down with him, draping a blanket over top of him when Aaron had shifted and laid his head down on his shoulder. 

“Oh!” He hears and turns back to see Ed straightening himself up, holding Julien back. “Sorry. I didn’t know you guys were here.” 

“It’s alright,” Robert says quietly. 

“Julien picked me up from training,” Ed tells him, pointing at the dark haired man beside him. 

“You are Aaron?” Julien asks him, looking him over. 

“Julien!” Ed scolds him. “And no, this is Robert.”

“Ah, the boyfriend?” Julien looks him over anew, like he’s judging with different criteria now. 

Boyfriend? Robert almost winces at the word. It’s what he wants though, to be Aaron’s boyfriend. Someday anyway. He wants to say yes. It wouldn’t hurt to practice. He wonders what Jack would think of him now if he could see him. 

“Yeah, I am,” he says, breathing through the words, but it comes out easier than he expects. Aaron never has to know. 

“Wait for me upstairs?” Ed tells Julien, giving him a little kiss to appease him before he goes. He perches on the coffee table for a moment, nodding at Aaron. “Is he okay?” 

“He will be,” Robert says, hoping it’s true. 

“He told you, didn’t he? What was wrong?” Ed surmises. 

“Yeah,” Robert nods. 

“I’m glad,” Ed tells him. “I’m glad he has someone looking out for him.” 

“Thanks,” Robert says. It feels strange to have someone say they’re happy about him being anywhere near Aaron when all everyone wants to do back at home is keep them apart. 

Ed gives him a short nod and puts a hand on his shoulder as he leaves him, heading upstairs to Julien. 

\---

Aaron lays there silently, listening, trying to keep still as he hears Ed’s footsteps recede. He waits until he’s sure he’s gone before he speaks. 

“You’re not my boyfriend,” he says through a yawn. 

He feels Robert startle and smirks to himself as he hears a sharp intake of breath. “You scared the hell out of me!” 

“Soz,” Aaron says sleepily, trying to decide if he’s okay that he ended up sleeping on top of Robert. 

“So you heard all of that?” Robert asks, sounding nervous. “I didn’t-I didn’t mean anything by it. Just...Julien sounded jealous. I was trying to help Ed out, you know-”

Aaron can’t help but snort at Robert being uncomfortable but then, he realizes that this is the first time Robert’s ever actually acknowledged them as something real, something more than a mistake he had made. “So how did it feel? Saying it?” he asks, hoping Robert gets what he means. 

There’s a long pause and he rolls over a bit so he can look up at him, his brow furrowed like he’s thinking hard about it. “The world didn’t end,” he says finally. 

“No,” Aaron agrees. “I always hated watching you fight it. I spent years doing that myself. I had this stupid idea that he had caused it, that I wasn’t going to let it happen.” 

“Aaron, you’re not gay because of what he did,” Robert says firmly, like he needs him to believe it. 

“I know that now, believe me, but it’s what I thought,” he reflects, remembering how twisted up he was inside when he started having those feelings. For Kyle down the street when he was just a kid, for Adam. He was so scared of what it meant, if he had made him that way. Looking up at Robert, he wonders what made him so scared of his own feelings, but he doesn’t want to pry, doesn’t have the headspace for it right now. 

“So…” Robert starts, his fingers stroking through his curls like they have a mind of their own. Robert doesn’t even seem to notice he’s doing it but Aaron doesn’t stop him. “What now?”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, we can’t stay in France forever,” Robert says. 

That had been his plan. “I can,” he tells him.

“I don’t see why you should have to leave your home, your family, your whole life when it’s him that should be suffering,” Robert argues and Aaron can hear the anger and frustration in his voice. 

“I can’t go back there, Robert. I can’t see him every day, with my mum, at the pub,” he sighs, tears forming in his eyes again. 

“Look Aaron,” Robert says, “I know I promised you that I wouldn’t say anything, but you should.”

“I can’t,” he states with an edge to his voice. 

“I could be there with you,” Robert pleads. “If you wanted to tell the police, or even just Chas.” 

“No!” Aaron shouts to get him to stop going on.

He sits up, stands up, moves across the room to the other sofa and sits back down, already missing the warmth of Robert’s body. Why did he have to go and mess things up? 

“I’m sorry, Aaron,” Robert apologizes quickly, following him across the room, blanket in hand. “Just-just know that I’m here for you, whenever you want to do, whatever it is that you need to do. Like you pointed out earlier, I don’t have much of a life right now. I can stay here as long as you want or need me to.” 

Aaron shakes his head, lets out a little huff of breath. This new devoted Robert freaks him out a bit if he’s honest, even if he does sort of like it. “I’m tired,” he says through another yawn, laying down on the new sofa. He doesn’t have the energy to keep debating this. 

“Right, right,” Robert says, laying the blanket over him and tucking it in around him. He smooths it out and crouches down in front of him, face serious. “Just know, you’re not alone Aaron, not anymore.” 

\---

Aaron doesn’t sleep, not really, just drifts in and out of consciousness for a while until he gives up and just lays there, staring at the ceiling. More than once or twice, he glances over at Robert sprawled out on the other sofa, his long legs hanging over the arm. He fears he was serious when he said he’d stay here as long as Aaron wanted him too. Even if he did want him to, he couldn’t ask anyone to give up their life for him. 

He’d tried to avoid it, caring about what Robert was up to, but he could never help himself. Since he’d come home from the hospital, over the last few months, he’d seen a new side to him. He’d seen him getting closer to Diane, worrying over her working too much through her chemo. He’d seen him settling in with Victoria, finally starting to bond with her more honestly than he had when he’d first come back. Even with Andy, Robert had seemed to reach some kind of truce, though Aaron couldn’t imagine how after what happened to Katie. Their affair had caused so much destruction but he was starting to repair those relationships one by one and Aaron couldn’t help but be a little bit proud of him. 

He couldn’t let Robert try and stay here, but he wasn’t sure he could go back either. How could he face his dad every day? Even if he moved out of the pub, where would he even go? Telling his mum, telling anyone else felt out of the question. He’d told Robert though. He’d told him and the world didn’t end. He’d told him and Robert had believed him, maybe his mum would too. The thought of her being with his dad made him sick, but more than anything, he hated the rift that was growing between them. They had finally been in a good place and he was destroying that all over again. 

\---

Robert wakes up to his bag packed and sitting on the table. Rubbing at his eyes, he picks his head up and glances around the room, looking for Aaron. He’s not just going to leave him like this, even if he does have Ed to stay with. He knows he won’t tell Ed the truth and he should have someone on his side right now. When he doesn’t see him, he picks up his phone, pulling it from the charger to check the time. It’s late. He can’t believe he’s slept this long. 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” he asks as he sits up, but no one answers. 

He looks around again but doesn’t see anyone there. His phone is buzzing in his hand though and he checks it to see another bundle of texts coming through from Vic. Chas is on the warpath, threatening to book a flight to France herself apparently. He can’t have that. Aaron would flip. 

‘Hold off the cavalry, please.’ He texts his sister. 

‘Are you going to tell me what is going on?’ Vic asks. 

‘Can’t.’ He sends the reply. 

‘Chas thinks this is all to get back at her for getting back with his dad.’ 

Robert sighs. That couldn’t be further from the truth and it kills him that he can’t say that. Chas may stand by her son no matter what if she knew the truth but until then she just sounds like a self centered cow. He doesn’t feel like there’s any in between with her. 

‘It’s not.’ He says simply. 

‘So you just went away together. Just because?’ Vic texts back. 

There’s a few thuds on the stairs and Robert swivels his head around to see Aaron coming down, fresh from the shower, his own bag in his hands. Robert wonders if it’s packed to go or if he just needed it to get fresh clothes to change into. 

‘Gotta go Vic.’ He texts quickly. ‘I’ll explain later.’ 

“Ed went out for a run, but he said he’d be back before we go,” Aaron tells him. 

“Go? We?” Robert asks as he gets up. He doesn’t even understand what’s happening. 

“Yeah,” Aaron replies quietly, like he still feels uncertain. 

Robert doesn’t want to do anything to change his mind. “Oh,” is all he manages, and, “good.” 

He watches Aaron reach and rub at his arm where Robert remembers the blood stain being when he’d first arrived. He’d done it last night too, only this time he doesn’t seem to be wanting to cause any pain. 

“Can I see?” he asks, cautiously. 

Aaron pulls his arm away from him but then slowly, lets his guard down and brings it back, shrugging out of his hoodie sleeve. There’s fresh gauze wrapped around his arm but he unravels it, showing him, albeit reluctantly. It’s deep it it makes Robert’s heart ache for him, that he could feel that desperate to do something like that to himself. He wonders if there are others, less visible, remembering all the scars on his stomach. 

He doesn’t want to spook him by saying too much so he just says, “You should get that checked out when we get back.” 

Aaron nods and wraps it back up, sliding his arm back into his sleeve gingerly.

In barely a whisper, Aaron looks down at the floors and says, “Thanks.” 

“For what?” Robert asks. 

“For stalking me,” comes the sarcastic quip. 

“Any time,” Robert laughs. 

Aaron looks up at him then, serious again. “You’re mad for following me here, but really, thanks for...being here for...well...you know…”

“Yeah, I know,” Robert says, trying not to think about it too much, not that it works. “You’re welcome.” 

\---

Aaron doesn’t know what they are, what they’ve become in the last two days. There doesn’t seem to be a definition for it, though Ed told him he’s glad he found someone like Robert when they were saying their goodbyes, promising to keep in touch better. For the first time, he’s glad he did too, even though he’s not sure he can voice that thought yet. He’s not sure what he wants from Robert right now, but he’s not sorry he’s there for him. 

They drive back to the ferry in Robert’s rented car, picking up theirs for the trip back. They’re quiet mostly, Aaron just mocking him for his shit taste in music when he tries to fill the silence with a Taylor Swift song. 

“If you’re gonna play this, I’m getting out right now and hitching back to Ed’s,” Aaron had told him and Robert had scoffed but let him have control of the radio anyway. 

The drive back to Yorkshire had been quiet too, both of them in their own cars, Aaron leading and Robert following. Not that they’d spoken much before, but he missed just having Robert there beside him, even if he felt ridiculous for it. It was only a few hours anyway. Still, when his phone had rung and he’d seen Robert’s name pop up, he’d felt a warmth in his chest. 

“What do you want?” he’d answered anyway, content not to let him know that he’d missed his presence. 

“Bored,” Robert had replied. “Are we there yet?” 

“What are you, eight?” Aaron had laughed, but still, he’d set his phone down, continuing the call and they’d talk about nonsense or nothing at all, all the way back. It made him feel lighter somehow, like the worst wasn’t facing him back home. 

\---

It’s evening by the time they get home, sneaking into the back of the pub together, Aaron letting him take the lead for once. Robert cracks open the door after Aaron unlocks it and they creep in. Both of them hear the sound of the last call bell ringing through in the pub. It’s too early for that and it stops them both in their tracks, wondering why. 

Carefully, Robert pushes open the door to the back room and sees Diane coming through, looking shattered. When she sees them, her mouth drops into a perfect O, her hand raising up to cover it. 

“You two have a lot of explaining to do,” Diane scolds them. “Your mum has been going spare worrying about you, Aaron.” 

“Sorry,” Aaron apologizes but Robert gives his head a shake at him to tell him he has nothing to be sorry for, not really. 

“Chas!” she calls out. “They’re back!” 

“Diane!” he hisses, hoping she’d let them do this quietly. 

“Sorry, pet. I won’t suffer the wrath of Chas for not telling her the moment you got in.”

Chas comes barreling through the door, a glass of fizz in her hand and Gordon trailing behind her with one of his own. Behind him, Robert feels Aaron twitch with fear, sliding further into his shadow. All he wants to do is take the champagne bottle Doug carries through after them and bash it over Gordon’s head and have done with it. 

“Oh perfect!” Chas screeches, gesturing at him. “You’re here too. Aaron, what are you thinking getting back with the likes of him? After everything he’s done?” 

“We’re not back together,” Aaron tells her, his voice practically a growl. Robert suspects it’s to keep it steady. 

“No?” Chas laughs. “You just went off on a two day jolly to France together for no reason, then? Aaron love, I know you’re not happy about me and your dad but, he’s buying into the pub, you have to set all of this aside. You did promise you’d try.” 

“He doesn’t have to do anything,” Robert cuts in. 

“You have no business being here,” Chas lays into him. “Get out!” 

“Hold on,” Diane protests. “It’s still my pub too for now. Robert pet, why don’t you come and have a drink. Leave them to talk.” 

Turning around, Robert checks in with his first priority. “Aaron?” he asks. 

“Just go, get rid of him,” Aaron says quietly. 

Robert nods. “You sure you don’t want me here when you-” 

“I need to do this on my own,” he tells him. “But be there after?”

“You don’t even have to ask,” Robert assures him. “Like I said, you’re not on your own, not anymore.” 

Aaron gives him a nod to let him know he understands and Robert reaches out and a gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, lets him know that he can do this, that he’s the strongest person he knows. 

“A drink would be great Diane,” Robert tells her and then turns to Gordon. “You’ll join me, won’t you?”

“That’s up to Chas,” he says and even his voice makes Robert’s skin crawl.

“Oh Gordon it’s fine,” she tells him with a smile that Robert knows won’t be there soon. “Aaron and I need to have a chat.” 

Robert follows Diane, Doug and Gordon back out into the pub, glancing back at Aaron one more time to make sure he’s going to be okay. He sits next to the man that’s made Aaron’s life a misery and watches Diane pull him a pint, Doug fussing around her and trying to get her to let him do it. He can’t concentrate, knowing what’s happening in the other room, trying to wait long enough before he throws Gordon out. He’d promised Aaron he’d get rid of him and he means to keep that promise. If he’s learned anything in the last two days about himself, it’s that he’d do anything for Aaron. 

Aaron is everything to him. 

\---

Aaron watches them go for a moment, trusting Robert to keep to his word, before he focuses on his mum who looks like she’s about ready to blow a gasket. He never wanted to tell her this, never wanted to have to, but he needs to. He needs to have her on his side. 

“Aaron,” Chas starts, coming further into the room. “Are you-”

“Mum,” he says, sucking in a deep breath. It’s now or never. “I need to tell you something…”


	2. coda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little coda for @turquoiseterrier who was mad at me for ending it the way I did.

Robert sips slowly at his pint. It tastes like bile going down his throat as he sits next to Gordon. He can’t understand why he even came back here, knowing what he’d done. How did he think this was going to play out? That he’d just get back together with Chas and Aaron would just deal with it? The man was mad as well as evil. 

Diane leans against the counter by the register, Doug hovering over her. She looks tired and Robert hates that they’re keeping her from her bed but this is too important to leave any longer. He wouldn’t want Aaron to lose his nerve and bottle it. 

It’s been enough time now, he thinks. He expects Aaron’s gotten the words out now. He wishes he could be there with him now but he has a job to do too. 

“Chas doesn’t want you anywhere near Aaron,” Gordon says. It’s the first thing he’s said since they came out here. “She’s told me all about you.” 

Robert wants to laugh in his face. “Did she now?” he controls himself, smirking ever so slightly. “And Aaron’s told me all about you.” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Gordon plays dumb. 

“Yeah you do,” Robert says under his breath, keeping his voice low so as to not draw Diane’s attention. “You’re sick, you. You raped him. And now you think you can just walk back into his life like nothing’s happened.”

“I’d be very careful about what you say next,” Gordon warns him but Robert’s not going to allow himself to be scared of him. 

“You need to leave,” Robert gives him a warning of his own. “You need to go before I make you go.” 

“And how are you gonna do that?” Gordon cocks his head and smiles at him. Robert wants to punch it off his face. 

“If you don’t want Diane and Doug knowing what you are. You’d better walk out that door right now.” 

“Oh is that so?” Gordon challenges him, tries to call his bluff. 

“Diane,” Robert calls over to his step mum. 

“Yes pet?” she says, stifling a yawn. 

“You wouldn’t,” Gordon hisses at him. 

He turns back to him. “Try me. And by the way,” he adds casually, “Aaron’s telling Chas everything right now so I wouldn’t want to stick around and face her either.” 

Now he sees the fear cloud Gordon’s vision as he glances at Diane and looks through to the back. It makes Robert feel good to see him sweat. He should suffer after what he’s done. “Go,” he says again. 

Gordon hesitates a moment, but sets his drink down. “Tell Chas,” he says, looking toward Diane, “that I had to call it a night. I’ll see her tomorrow.” 

“You’d better not,” Robert warns him again. 

“Oh that’s a shame,” Diane says, oblivious. “I’ll tell her though.” 

“Bye,” Robert says as Gordon heads out. He’d feel smug if he didn’t feel so nauseous.

“Are you alright, pet?” Diane asks after the door swings shut and the monster is gone. 

“I will be,” Robert tells her and so will Aaron. He’ll make sure of it. 

\---

“Mum no!” Aaron shouts after her, getting up off the sofa, tears staining his face anew. He can’t risk her going out there until he’s sure he’s gone or that she’s not going to say anything. 

“Where’s G-Gordon?” Chas demands as she bursts into the pub, Aaron on her heels. 

“Oh he called it a night about twenty minutes ago,” Diane tells her and Aaron breathes a heavy sigh of relief, looking around to find Robert who gives him a nod, letting him know it’s been dealt with. 

“Mum,” Aaron hisses behind her. She turns back around, her eyes wild, like she just need someone to scream at right now. He feels terrible, putting this massive burden of a secret on her but he feels better now she knows. She believed him, hugged him tight and held him until he stopped sobbing. He never thought she would. “Please.” 

“Is everything alright?” Diane asks and Aaron pales, waiting to see what his mum’s going to do, if she’s going to betray his trust. 

“It’s…” Chas starts, breathing slowly in and out. “Fine,” she manages in the end and Aaron sighs again. 

“Diane, you look shattered,” Robert interjects. Why don’t you head up to bed?” 

“Always nice to hear,” Diane quips. “But you don’t have to ask me twice. Come on Doug.” 

“Well then, good night all,” Doug says, following Diane obediently. 

Aaron watches them go, feeling the last of the fight drain out of him. He’s shattered himself. Going through everything that happened, reliving it all twice in two days, it’s too much. Beside him his mum looks like she’s about to break but he can’t comfort her right now. He doesn’t have the energy. What he wants is something simpler but he doesn’t know how to ask for it. Instead, he leaves her and rounds the bar, coming to a stop in front of Robert. 

“Are you okay?” he asks him and Aaron just shakes his head as he stands there awkwardly. 

Robert takes the hint, slips off the bar stool and wraps his arms around him, pulling him in. Two days ago he would have resisted this, would have pushed him away but just for a moment, he lets himself go, lets himself lean into it and bury his face in Robert’s neck, clinging onto the back of his shirt for dear life. 

“You will be,” Robert whispers in his ear.


End file.
